*sneaks into the shortest of her reading in hopes of also getting some writing done after finishing her chores, hopes to be back on track with reading things before the end of January*
Gylepi! *fangirls*
Gylepi forced his spine to straighten, cringing as it protested against the movement. <- Gylepi, hun, how do you both straighten and cringe at the same time? Because I want to learn that.
He rolled his shoulders back and rubbed the back <- Could you say just 'he rolled his shoulders' without loss of meaning? 'cause then you'd lose the back-back repetition you've going on there.
The archer sighed as he felt a warm smile spread over his face. <- *melts* That is so friggin' adorable, pardon the language. Very, very, very sweet.
swinging one leg over <- may want to clarify that he's swinging Lania's leg over it, because I think syntactically/grammatically you're implying it's his leg which gives a very weird image. Albeit one that makes Gylepi look incredibly agile. *melts more*
her arms over the arm Gylepi <- over the one? Think that's a change worth considering, again for repetition issues. I'm bad with repetition. I love how you write kiddies as, you know, kiddies. ^-^ *snugs Lania* I do not blame Gylepi for spoiling them all rotten.
‘Did you buy me any presents?’ <- *bursts out in a giggle fit* Oooh, little bratty thing. That was lovely, me dear. Very, very sweet and... you know... Wonderful as always. ^-^ Gylepi and kiddies are just so cute!
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Gylepi! *fangirls*
Gylepi forced his spine to straighten, cringing as it protested against the movement. <- Gylepi, hun, how do you both straighten and cringe at the same time? Because I want to learn that.
He rolled his shoulders back and rubbed the back <- Could you say just 'he rolled his shoulders' without loss of meaning? 'cause then you'd lose the back-back repetition you've going on there.
The archer sighed as he felt a warm smile spread over his face. <- *melts* That is so friggin' adorable, pardon the language. Very, very, very sweet.
swinging one leg over <- may want to clarify that he's swinging Lania's leg over it, because I think syntactically/grammatically you're implying it's his leg which gives a very weird image. Albeit one that makes Gylepi look incredibly agile. *melts more*
her arms over the arm Gylepi <- over the one? Think that's a change worth considering, again for repetition issues. I'm bad with repetition. I love how you write kiddies as, you know, kiddies. ^-^ *snugs Lania* I do not blame Gylepi for spoiling them all rotten.
‘Did you buy me any presents?’ <- *bursts out in a giggle fit* Oooh, little bratty thing. That was lovely, me dear. Very, very sweet and... you know... Wonderful as always. ^-^ Gylepi and kiddies are just so cute!
*fangirls more, just 'cause*
Wai!