kawa~ inspiration #8
Dec. 22nd, 2004 02:56 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
annarti.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
yrae
Title~ Five Times Alone
Author~ Annarti
Disclaimer~ Mine~
Notes~ kawa~ inspiration #8. Nol!angst. Yep. That it is.
~ ~ ~
My hrai-dani was celebrated ten days ago. The single greatest event in a Raykinian’s life, regardless of everything. Those without homes celebrate their hrai-dani with as much vigour and gusto as those living in the most extensive villas in the kingdom. Even the desert people, who roam the barren landscape in a perpetual search for water, hold festivities for the hrai-dana of their group.
It would be expected that the twentieth birthday of the kingdom’s crown prince would be the most lavish, with the strongest brew, finest international flavours and most spectacular dancers and entertainers. And, naturally, the most ecstatic of hrai-dana.
For previous crown princes, perhaps. For my own? I made out as though I had the time of my life, couldn’t imagine being happier. Most of Ni-Yana had turned out to celebrate me, along with the Llayan royal family. They hadn’t even come to my mother’s, and yet they appeared for mine.
For all that Majesty and everyone else tried to make me special, I couldn’t help but feel distanced from the celebrations. Alone.
In more than four thousand years of Raykinian history, seven crown princes have been alone for their hrai-dani. Of those seven, four were still alone during the following full moon, which would otherwise have been their wedding night, when Raykin gained a princess.
Tomorrow night is a full moon, and unless something miraculous happens within the next few hours, I will be one to add to the list of four. Ni-Yana has no doubt guessed this already, but tomorrow it will be confirmed for them.
Aeia, I hate this.
We’ve not spoken much since my proposal, a month and a half ago now. Whether on her part or mine, I’m not certain. To be perfectly honest, I don’t know which has been more painful; being in her company, or not.
It’s obvious to anyone, not just those who know her and how to understand her wordless conversation, that she wishes for us to remain friends. I wish for the same. But there is no conceivable way such a proposition could work. Only those who have been in such a position would fully understand.
Whenever I see her now, I can’t help but think of the day she turned down my proposal. The way she nervously picked at that Aeia-damned stone as she stepped into the archery range, finding me among the other three training that day. The pained, apologetic look in her eyes as she motioned for me to come to her with a slight jerk of her head.
There were a thousand thoughts behind those eyes, some hidden, some plain as day. The most obvious of all she emphasised with a barely distinguishable shake of her head, so small that not a hair was disturbed from the movement.
We were friends, not lovers. She could never bare the burden of being princess, let alone queen. She was even less suited to producing an heir to the throne than myself. All these words, and thousands more, lay behind her watery sapphire eyes. I read each of them twice over before finally turning my head away.
I read those words whenever I see those eyes now, whether through my memory or her words, I couldn’t say.
If my hrai-dani was lonely, I’d rather wait a good deal longer to know what tomorrow will be like.
Author~ Annarti
Disclaimer~ Mine~
Notes~ kawa~ inspiration #8. Nol!angst. Yep. That it is.
My hrai-dani was celebrated ten days ago. The single greatest event in a Raykinian’s life, regardless of everything. Those without homes celebrate their hrai-dani with as much vigour and gusto as those living in the most extensive villas in the kingdom. Even the desert people, who roam the barren landscape in a perpetual search for water, hold festivities for the hrai-dana of their group.
It would be expected that the twentieth birthday of the kingdom’s crown prince would be the most lavish, with the strongest brew, finest international flavours and most spectacular dancers and entertainers. And, naturally, the most ecstatic of hrai-dana.
For previous crown princes, perhaps. For my own? I made out as though I had the time of my life, couldn’t imagine being happier. Most of Ni-Yana had turned out to celebrate me, along with the Llayan royal family. They hadn’t even come to my mother’s, and yet they appeared for mine.
For all that Majesty and everyone else tried to make me special, I couldn’t help but feel distanced from the celebrations. Alone.
In more than four thousand years of Raykinian history, seven crown princes have been alone for their hrai-dani. Of those seven, four were still alone during the following full moon, which would otherwise have been their wedding night, when Raykin gained a princess.
Tomorrow night is a full moon, and unless something miraculous happens within the next few hours, I will be one to add to the list of four. Ni-Yana has no doubt guessed this already, but tomorrow it will be confirmed for them.
Aeia, I hate this.
We’ve not spoken much since my proposal, a month and a half ago now. Whether on her part or mine, I’m not certain. To be perfectly honest, I don’t know which has been more painful; being in her company, or not.
It’s obvious to anyone, not just those who know her and how to understand her wordless conversation, that she wishes for us to remain friends. I wish for the same. But there is no conceivable way such a proposition could work. Only those who have been in such a position would fully understand.
Whenever I see her now, I can’t help but think of the day she turned down my proposal. The way she nervously picked at that Aeia-damned stone as she stepped into the archery range, finding me among the other three training that day. The pained, apologetic look in her eyes as she motioned for me to come to her with a slight jerk of her head.
There were a thousand thoughts behind those eyes, some hidden, some plain as day. The most obvious of all she emphasised with a barely distinguishable shake of her head, so small that not a hair was disturbed from the movement.
We were friends, not lovers. She could never bare the burden of being princess, let alone queen. She was even less suited to producing an heir to the throne than myself. All these words, and thousands more, lay behind her watery sapphire eyes. I read each of them twice over before finally turning my head away.
I read those words whenever I see those eyes now, whether through my memory or her words, I couldn’t say.
If my hrai-dani was lonely, I’d rather wait a good deal longer to know what tomorrow will be like.