Dragon Boy

[annarti.livejournal.com]

Title~ Dragon Boy
Author~ Annarti
Disclaimer~ Completely mine~
Notes~ This is a story written for creatore_magico, who has been going through a tough move to London, and I thought could do with a bit of a cheering up-come-welcome back to the Internet thing, albeit a very slow, very problematic Internet. So yeah. Plan is to write a Llayan fairytale for all my friends who know the Yrae Chronicles as birthday presents this year :D Saku loves dragons, shippable characters and sexy older men. Throw them together and you get something like this!

Welcome back to the Internets, Ku! I love you~!

( 10 401 words ) <-- that cut is fake. It turned out a good deal longer than expected so it's got a page on bloogum instead of making you read the whole thing in LJ.

Comments

[shanra.livejournal.com]

Eeeeeee! Cuuuuuuuuuuuute! (And yes I am finally getting off my arse to read this.)

‘Now, that was uncalled for, Birch.’ <- Awww. I love how you worked that into this. *bouncebounce* Dragon! Llayan dragon!

Any other projects you have right now, you give them to me.’ <- Ooooooooh. I love the mystery in that. Not just the whole 'what's going on' but also the kind of expectancy that we'd have with our fairytales - with the master being jealous of the apprentice and all and so not really expecting that 'switch', if indeed a switch it is. I love. <3<3<3<3<3<3

He’d never even seen one gold coin before <- Might be a little heavy on the 'gold coin' repetition there. How important is four to them? *curious whether there's any importance to the number as there often is in fairytales*

the morning frog from his throat. <- I like that imagery. 'tis pretty!

maybe he might be able to tell Ackerley something. <- got a tautology there with maybe/might, actually. ^-^; *total meanie*

Please may I speak with Lord Allandridge?’ <- Wait, I thought Llayans didn't do first person forms... *only just realised* Or is taht just some formal speech thing that only noble-born Llayans do? (Actually, that would be fascinating.)

hat was it that the whole town seemed to know, but he didn’t? <- Out of curiosity, since he seems to have grown up there, why doesn't he know when all the rest of the town does? Or is it just the adults? (I have to admit with the way they're reacting, I'd have expecting them to tell their children so they could be prepared in the case of a return.)

not through any fault of his boots <- Hee, leave it to Llayans to be preoccupied with the clothes. I like that touch. ^-^ I like Ackerley's reaction and the way it feels like something told-told. Or at least read to a small child from a book or aught. Lynnlita being told this story by a nursemaid before bed, all rapt and all that...

Ackerley had to frequently catch himself <- frequently had to. I know it's all the rage to do the whole 'split infinitive' thing, but 'frequently' modified the whole verb phrase, not just 'catch'.

It landed with a flurry of dead leaves and perched on its tail, looking inquisitively up at Ackerley with its wings spread. <- Cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute dragon!

He gave it another piece of ham in thanks. <- Just ditch the 'of ham'. 'tis less repetition after all. ^-~

lung it back over his shoulder, <- back-back. Different meanings, but still quite jarring because they're homonyms. Easily solved by making it said 'again' instead or aught. (I'm mean, an I know repetition is usually part of a fairytale, but it's... different. Sorry I can't explain better. ^-^; )

Oh, that dragon is far, far too cute, 'narti. I want it... You're very, very good at keeping the tension in this. ^-^

The maple dragon opened its mouth and blew fog at him, then darted behind his shoulder as he laughed at it. <- It's so cuuuuuuuuuuuuute. *stuck on this, yes*

Ooooh, I like that twist there with the brother and Oak and Rutherford. I like that a lot. It takes what might've been a simple fairytale and turned it into something so much more. I suspect it's a highly evolved version of an original, what with Llayan tendencies being what they are, but I like it. A lot. It creates so much depth in the whole story.

‘I’m scared of heights!’ <- and yet he's clambering up mountains, bless. I love the little details in this, narti. The voice here, the boots before, the nosing out the ham by maple. I heart it. So much. Even though/if I'm shredding it to utter pieces. *wants hers now, yes indeedy*

(I am so awesome, I get to leave two comments! Or maybe I just talk too much...)

[shanra.livejournal.com]

(See? Two comments.)

Maple is so cute. I have to admit that the way you handle the conversation between Ackerley/Rutherford and the dragons is really well-done. You really get that confusion of 'what did he say?' that Ackerley feels that comes with foreign/unheard languages.

Mmmmm. I'm sad the ending makes me feel like it should've taken longer for Oak and the Lord to reach some form of agreement, but I love the dragons and the dynamics between everyone and the descriptions. Your dragons are so wonderfully refreshing from what I usually read of them. (Not that that's a lot, mind.) And Ackerley is a love and Rutherford is a dear and they play off each other so well. The way they interact when Rutherford is playing his lute/guitar thing is awesome and, of course the dragons. I knew you're good at non-verbal communication, but this... does take it to a whole new level, I do believe.

(*on invasion* Now, Narti, I'm sure Rutherford would not be pushing to be invade-y if he didn't need to be in there. (Also Nol, Min and May meeting him and Oak would be Epic! And I want it. Poor Nol. It might give him a heartattack.)

[annarti.livejournal.com]

I thought Llayans didn't do first person forms...
You're right, they don't, but I've made an executive decision that anything longer than 500 words and told purely from a Llayan perspective is just going to hurt my brain if there's no first/second person in there XD It's implied, after all, so to preserve everyone's sanity it'll get 'translated' into English with first and second person XD

why doesn't he know when all the rest of the town does?
Only the old farts know :D And they kinda really hoped he wouldn't come back. Also, it makes for more fun story if Ackerley finds out as the readers do >> YAY PLOT DEVICE.

it should've taken longer for Oak and the Lord to reach some form of agreement
Oh god yes it so would have. Someday, I'll figure out how to make it take a little more resolution, but not in the typical Llayan style of talking it out with days and days of long words and rhetoric.

(On invasion: You're not helping XD)

(On your story: ... how's Christmas present sound instead? :D;; It's coming along, but uni's in the way, sadly.)

[shanra.livejournal.com]

Awwww. But I like getting my brain messed with on occasion... Makes a nice/good decision, though. Definitely easier to read like this. I just want to know how the conversations go in Llayan, really.

Only the old farts know :D
And they, like, never ever used it to scare their children into obedience, mention it in passing by accident, or anything? I'm sorry, Narti, but I can't buy that with the explanations given here.

Someday, I'll figure out how to make it take a little more resolution, but not in the typical Llayan style of talking it out with days and days of long words and rhetoric.

Oooh, you could do that easily. Just summarise it more or less like you did here - throw some mood qualifiers in for Ackerley and maybe mention a highlight or two - like when Oak decides that the Lord does look mighty tasty - and skip to the final scenes. Tada! I doubt anyone is going to begrudge you not writing out those negotiations in detail and stretch and strech the story that way.

(Nuuuu, you just think I'm not helping. You'll be grateful once the story is finished and made of AWESOME WIN. ^-~)

(I'm not fussy about timing. It shall appear when it shall appear - and with a little luck, I might actually have done some serious damage to my online reading pile when it does appear!)